Top Five Holiday Gifts For The Oracle DBA
In the past couple of weeks you may have noticed some web link problems. They are all fixed now, but it will take Google a week or so to catch up. Thanks for your patience.
It's that time of year again and I can already hear it, "Dad, what do you want for Christmas?" This year I'm taking action. Like forecasting Oracle performance, I'm taking proactive action.
For the sake of every DBA on planet Earth, I went on a quest for the coolest DBA gifts ever. To make it easier for our loved ones to buy us something we actually want this year, all but one of the gifts can be purchased on Amazon. (You're welcome.)
So here they are—the Top 5 2016 DBA Gifts:
Number 5: Star Trek Paper Clips
A must-have item for any respectable Trekkie! Not only was there some love put into the package design, but the clips are in different colors. Nice touch.
Instead of dressing up like a Klingon and speaking a few strange words, ask for a grown-up "I have a job" kind of Trekkie gift.
Number 4: Sock It To Me Circuit Board Mens Crew Socks
"I don't need no stink'n socks!" Actually you do need some socks... and ones that don't stink. So, here is your chance. Made from 100% non-organic synthetic materials (I'm guessing actually), this gift will literally blow your old socks off.
Imagine the respect you will receive when you put your feet up on your desk and a co-worker walks by noticing your socks. Or, how about during your next meeting you casually cross your legs exposing your circuit board socks. Wow... I can see that promotion coming now!
Number 3: Solar Powered Perpetual Motion Marble Kit
I want action gifts! And what could be better than a perpetual motion kit? If you want to escape mind numbing holiday conversations, then this is the gift for you!
First, with this gift you get to build something. Not wear something! Second, the marble will keep moving as long as there is light for the solor panel. So, while you are waiting for that Oracle upgrade to finish, you can stare at the marble going around and around and around. Before you know it, the upgrade will be finished! So in reality, this is a time machine!
Number 2: DaVinci Clock
You've got to admit that DaVinci rocks! Besides Illy Coffee and Valentino Rossi, DaVinci is on the top of my list for very-cool-things-from-Italy.
But seriously. You get to build this contraption, there are NO batteries needed and (drum roll...) the power source is gravity! How cool is that? Gravity! So unless you are floating in space at zero G this clock will keep working.
Number 1: 3D Labyrinth Within A Sphere
This gift took me a while to figure out just what it is. It is a 3D hand-held maze. To keep the ball properly rolling, you have to keep rotating the sphere! Who comes up with this stuff? It's a 3D printer dream come true.
For sure, this gift will be a big hit and everyone will want to play with it.
What I really want to know is NOT how to beat the maze, but how in the heck did someone design this thing!?
Number 0: Mindflex Duel Game
This is absolutely mind blowing. I have seen it in action at an Oracle conference and it's amazing.
Here's how it works. The little blue ball floats in the air by a constant flow of air from the base. (Think: Bernoulli) With your headset on and altering your brainwaves you control the floating sphere through an obstacle course. If case you are wondering, it can be done... I saw some guys do it!
With two people playing, it is a true mind battling (perhaps altering) experience! Come on! Can it get any better than that?!!
Want to freak your next job candidate out? After a few questions, ask them to put the headset on and move the floating ball through a hoop. (Perhaps you should check with HR first, eh?)
Make Your List & Check It Twice!
So there you go! The Top Five (errr... Six) gifts for the serious and sometimes strange Oracle DBA. Not only will these gifts demonstrate and reinforce your geeky reputation, but you'll get a small yet satisfying feeling your job is special...though a little strange at times.
All the best in your Oracle performance endeavors!
Start my FREE 18 lesson Machine Learning For Oracle Professionals E-Course here.
Craig Shallahamer is a long time Oracle DBA who specializes in predictive analytics, machine learning and Oracle performance tuning. Craig is a performance researcher and blogger, consultant, author of two books, an enthusiastic conference speaker a passionate teacher and an Oracle ACE Director. More about Craig Shallahamer...
If you have any questions or comments, feel free to email me directly at craig at orapub.com.
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